As the first male grandchild for my doting paternal grandmother, I was born into a world of great expectations. My grandmother, divorced early in life, had courageously raised two sons as a single mother. She could now do things for her grandson, that she had been unable to do for her own sons. In my early years my parents lived across the street from her and my great grandmother. I have wonderful memories of bundling up to go over to their house to play with my own special toys and learning bedtime prayers from them.

My world changed drastically when I was 3 and we moved away from my "grandmas" in the Midwest to the South for a better job opportunity for my father. My mother was pregnant, and I was really excited about having a little brother. I thought I could choose. I was desperately unhappy when my sister arrived, kicking and screaming, into this world. I somehow felt betrayed. I vowed to be "the perfect child" since Momma had her hands full with this little girl who became "the problem child." demanding lots of attention.

Since my mother spent so much time with my sister, and my father worked long nights at the local factory, I learned to entertain myself. With an active imagination, I could amuse myself by drawing and retreating into my fantasy world. I envied all the attention and advantages that females had. Not identifying with boys rough and tumble sports, I felt alienated from them early in life. The first day of kindergarten, I chose to stay inside to wash paintbrushes to avoid going outside to play. Taunts and teases began early. I hated being called sissy, but felt helpless to change their perceptions. So I put more effort into being the perfect child, the perfect student. . I was traumatized by the very thought of Cub Scouts, and begged my parents not to make me go. I suffered the torture of three summers of swimming lessons. I felt like a misfit among my male peers, so sought affirmation from adults and teachers. More...