"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Does this line from the Charles Dickens classic A TALE OF TWO CITIES sound familiar? Does it strike you as applicable for the holiday season? The last few months of each year are always such a challenge as we have those major holidays which are traditionally celebrated with the family. Custom, habit, and tradition combine to emphasize "togetherness" during this time of year. It is a sad cultural and sociological comment that this is no longer so easily accomplished as a result of ever larger numbers of splintered families and physical distances because of the pursuit of the American dream in greener pastures elsewhere. We have such great expectations of holidays being very special times, but they can be very trying times, as well. Especially when one looks at the dysfunctional family system, one can anticipate problems. Those problems don't automatically disappear during the holidays. In fact, oftentimes, they seem to intensify.

How should we prepare ourselves for the holidays? First, we need to be reasonable to consider the challenges of the holidays.

1. YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN
   

   This means that no matter how hard we try, we can never quite recapture those wonderful times of the past because we are creations in finite time and space. We may be able to evoke similar experiences, but we are at different stages and ages of our lives. Once we have left the nest, it will never be the same. Let's savor the new memories that we're making.
   
   

2. OLD HABITS DIE HARD
   

   This is the other side of coin when we talk about memories of holidays past. The unhealthy relational styles of relating to family tend to linger on, especially where only one of the family members is working on personal issues. Many of you have heard of the recovery analogy of the family on the boat. In a family system each member intuitively knows his or her own particular role/place to keep the system functioning. When one family member starts work on being healthy and begins making changes in behavior, he rocks the boat of dysfunctional equilibrium. Other family members may respond negatively because it disrupts their comfort zone. They resist new healthier ways of relating until they are personally convinced of the need for change. Those experiencing the exhilarating freshness of God's renewal really want it for their loved ones, as well. But we can't be the Holy Spirit for them.
   
   

3. COUNT THE COST
   

   Remember that love is a commitment, which should not be based on emotions and feelings towards others. God commanded us to honor our fathers and mothers. He also admonished parents not provoke their children to wrath. Husbands are challenged to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In all things we are to show one another preference in love. Christ died for us while we were yet sinners, and it is only through Him that we can hope to be able to offer unconditional love to others. Perhaps we need to examine ourselves to verify if there are any areas of unforgiveness blocking us in healthy, nurturing relationships with other family members.
   
   

Now that we have considered the challenges of the holiday season, let's consider how we can have HOPE for the holidays. Here are four suggestions:

• H for HONESTY: Be honest with yourself about your feelings and emotions about holiday visits. Be honest in your assessment of where you are in your personal growth and where you are currently with those other significant relationships. Don't burden yourself with how you feel relationships could or should be, but enjoy them as they are. Be honest with yourself as to the possible need to limit the duration of certain visits and activities.
  
  
• O for OTHERS: Rather than becoming self-absorbed, shift your focus to others. After all, Christmas commemorates God's great gift to us of His Son Jesus Christ. In our prosperous American society, we also have many opportunities to share of our blessings with others. Being involved with others helps keep our own attitudes in healthy repair.
  
  
• P for the PRINCE OF PEACE: Christmas is the time to celebrate Christ. Amidst the busyness of the holiday social whirl, be sure to take time to maintain your personal relationship with God. I have found it to be a particularly exciting challenge to purpose to focus more intensely on my relationship with God during the Christmas season. As I'm a very visually oriented person, the traditional decorations, ornaments, and music can serve to reinforce my personal meditations and prayer time.
  
  
• E for EXPECTATIONS: Hopefully, this article has helped in assessing realistic expectations for the holidays. These expectations include those for ourselves, others, and the season itself. Expect God to do great things this year!